I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
