i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
