so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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