I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
