I am puke
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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