Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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