Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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