onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
