when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
