is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
