She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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