I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
