i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
