getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
