She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
