went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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