nut hugger
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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