Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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