she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize