Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
