Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize