I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
