just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
