You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
