I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
