found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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