Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize