I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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