He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
