You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
