I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
