Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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