drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
