no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
