his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
