hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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