I accidentally had phone sex last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
