just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
