Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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