So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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