he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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