oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
