I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
