Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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