Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
