She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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