i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
