he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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