hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont even know how to be here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
