you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
