My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize