First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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