got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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