I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
