i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
