just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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