babies were throwing up all over the place
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
