hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
