I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
