i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
