I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
