Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
