it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
