Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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