His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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