i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
