Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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