You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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